Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
