Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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