I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
