If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
