found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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