her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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