He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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