Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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