You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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