Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
