No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
