I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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