I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
