you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
