suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
where are you?
Hypothermia
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i now understand why vodka
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
