New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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