The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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