she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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