woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
