I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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