dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
