How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
