Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize