I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
