took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
