I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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