Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
