Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
