she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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