Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize