dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
