I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize