I got chris browned last night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
