When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
