Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize