He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Farmville is her only friend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
