and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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