her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
