I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
