i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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