dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
