I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dear god my vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
