We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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