so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
