just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
