I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
