hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
