I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
