there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
