Dual....:-)
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
