My room smells like vodka and shame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
