This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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