you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
