Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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