I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
