it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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