You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
