When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
