3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize