My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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