I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
