im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
