i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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