He kissed a someone with a penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
