he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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