There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
