You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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