i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
