Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
