Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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