I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
