I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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