God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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