If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
