I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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