I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
