I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
