My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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