How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
