I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
