yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
