Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
