You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
