never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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