i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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