I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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