I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
