I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
