Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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