I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she smelled like a LAN party
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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