Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
