I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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