I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
