Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
