oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
