just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
