I think im going to throw up on grandma
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
