I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
