k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
