Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
